Jenice Armstrong: About HIV: Don't you both need to know?

By Jenice Armstrong
Philadelphia Daily News
Daily News Columnist

SEN. BARACK OBAMA and his wife Michelle were both tested years ago.

So were Pennsylvania State Sen. Vincent Hughes and his wife of almost three years, the actress Sheryl Lee Ralph, as were Susan Taylor, former editor of Essence and her husband of 19 years, Khephra Burns. And come tomorrow, on National HIV Testing Day, other Philadelphia couples are being encouraged to take the test together.

Yeah, that's right, couples. The hope is that by having committed, monogamous, married folks step forward publicly for HIV testing, it will destigmatize the process and also encourage those involved in riskier sexual practices to learn their status as well. The new campaign, called "Get Tested Together," launches at 11 a.m. tomorrow at Love Park, 16th Street and JFK Boulevard.

"It sends a strong and powerful message to other members of your family and your community," said Hughes, who, with his wife, came up with the idea for the campaign's focus.

Among those planning to attend the Love Park event is the Rev. Alyn E. Waller of Enon Tabernacle Baptist Church, who, with his wife, Ellyn Jo Waller, was tested during an event at his church's new HIV/AIDS ministry. When it comes to HIV/AIDS, many churches have been dismally slow about encouraging their members to get tested, partly because of traditional religious teachings about premarital and extramarital sex as well as about homosexuality. To his credit, Waller refuses to get bogged down in all that.

"My position is, 'Know your status,' " Waller said when I checked in with him earlier this week. "Every person from the age of 13 to 64 needs to know their status. If you are a responsible Christian, you ought to be registered to vote. You should know your blood pressure, your PSA number [a prostate cancer indicator] and your HIV status.

"I've got a driver's license. I know my PSA number. I'm registered to vote and I know my status. Whatever it is, know it. There's light at the end of the tunnel for whatever the status is."

Organizers for Test Together, meanwhile, are prepared for the inevitable pushback as well as questions from folks skeptical about why a monogamous couple needs to be tested for HIV, or about what undergoing such a test indicates about the state of their relationship. For the record, a person can be infected with HIV, the virus that can cause AIDS, for years and not be aware of it. It's assumed that a quarter of all of those infected aren't aware of it and are at risk of infecting their sex partners. Given the availability of testing-places these days, that's downright irresponsible and reckless, if you ask me.

"Vincent and I have been in love and together for five years. . . . We're fine with each other. I've been getting tested for years and years," said Ralph, a long-time AIDs activist who stars in a one-woman play on the subject of HIV called "Sometimes I Cry."

"I'm like, 'We know. We got tested. Don't you want to know?' I think they just don't want to really know," she added. "I have never known of one thing that so many people are involved with that they don't want to talk about and that is sex. . . . Are people just being crazy? Do they just want to keep the lid on the freak in them?

"There's some dialogue that's missing," Ralph added.

Still, the message is getting out there. Intake workers at Bebashi, the nonprofit on Spring Garden - its acronym stands for Blacks Educating Blacks About Sexual Health Issues - have noticed an uptick in recent years in the number of men and women who arrive together for testing. It's not unusual for employees to see one, perhaps two couples every week. Several years ago, that practically never happened. They're now seeing test takers who arrive with one partner, and return later with another.

Most are relieved to find out that they test negatively - but not always. Earlier this year, a husband who had been unfaithful got tested and then sent his wife to Bebashi after discovering he was HIV positive.

"They are middle class, educated," recalled Gary J. Bell, Bebashi's executive director who counseled the couple afterwards. "I remember she said to me that this was something that they'd never thought they'd have to deal with. They were sort of average. They'd been married, like, 10 years. Youngish. Employed. Just a very average looking black couple."

Although African-Americans make up just about 12 percent of the population, they account for more than half of the new HIV/AIDS cases. A disproportionate number of those new cases are black women.

Earlier this year, a study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed that one in four girls between the ages of 14 and 19 has a sexually transmitted disease, which increases their risk of contracting the AIDS virus. African-American girls were the most affected, with nearly half having already contracted an STD, according to the report.

Knowing both your status as well as your partner's is a first step toward practicing safer sex. But navigating that dicey topic is a whole other issue, particularly for single people who may not be ready to settle down or for those in abusive relationships. It opens up the whole issue of trust and fidelity as well as accountability.

"It's easier when it's early in a relationship, when they're both sort of feeling each other out," Bell said. "It's beginning a dialogue with couples. They are having a conversation about this. Part of this issue seems to have played out with a woman trying to confront a man and a man saying, 'What do you think I am? Do you think I'm gay?'

"It's tricky," Bell said. "It can be awkward. We are a society that still struggles with conversations about sex."

Yeah, but it's all about having enough self esteem to protect your body from being infected and caring enough for another person to not risk his health as well. Getting tested together is a good first step toward saying "I care." If you think about it, it demonstrates way more than a bouquet of flowers and a dinner out. What says commitment more than going together to make sure you are being as safe as possible?

"I'm not naive enough to think this is the answer," Bell said about the Test Together Campaign. "But we have to keep hammering away at the issue. You have to try different things. You have to be creative and continue to come up with other ideas. We can't afford to lose." *

Test Together, Love Park, 16th and JFK, 11 a.m. tomorrow, www.testtogether.org.